


Time's Up

by Darkwillow6



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Dansen Fic Week (Supergirl TV 2015), Dansen Thirst Squad, Drinking, F/F, Fight or Flight Challenge, Fights, Hurt/Comfort, POV First Person, POV Kelly Olsen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25571095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkwillow6/pseuds/Darkwillow6
Summary: Kelly confronts Alex about her issues with alcohol.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen
Comments: 8
Kudos: 49
Collections: #DansenFicWeek - July/August 2020





	Time's Up

It was already really late and I was getting worried because Alex hadn’t answered any of my texts. I contemplated whether or not to call Kara to see if she’d heard from her. To make matters worse, the last time I’d talked to her, she was getting ready to follow up on a lead for one of her cases with J’onn. She’d gone by herself since it was, according to her, a longshot. I was pacing the living room, trying to think of what else I could do when she clumsily unlocked the door. Dropping her keys on the table beside the door, she walked over to me one uncoordinated step at a time.

“Alex, are you okay?” I asked, rushing over to support her. 

“I’m fine,” she replied, pulling me closer to kiss me.

She tried to take things further, but I hadn’t fully shaken the worry and I tasted whisky on her lips. I tried to back out of the embrace, but she held me tighter, kissing along my neck and chest.

“Alex, stop,” I said, pushing her away firmly, but not roughly. “I’ve been trying to call you for hours. Nobody’s heard from you. Now you come here… You’ve been drinking.”

“Come on. Not this,” Alex replied, taking a step back.

“How did you get here?” I asked, terrified that she’d driven.

“Taxi,” she replied. “There are always like five of them parked downtown.”

I was relieved to hear that at least.

“So, why didn’t you answer any of my texts or calls?”

She felt around her jacket and pants for her phone.

“Fuck. I must have left my phone at the tower earlier.”

“Unbelievable,” I whispered, shaking my head.

“It was an accident.”

“I know. But if you would have come straight here after work instead of going to get drunk, then I wouldn’t have had a panic attack thinking something happened to you. I mean, did you even think to call me at all?”

“You’re making something out of nothing, okay?”

“Nothing?” I scoffed. “Forget it. I can’t talk to you when you’re like this. I’m going to bed. You can sleep out here tonight,” I said, almost regretting it when I saw her hurt expression.

“Babe, really? Why are you-”

“We’ll talk about this tomorrow when you can really hear me. Can you just respect that this is what I need right now?” I asked, begging her not to push.

“Fine,” she said, sighing heavily and shaking her head. “Can I at least change and grab my pillow?”

I moved out of the path to the doorway and she walked around me in a huff. I tried not to take her behavior personally because I understood. She felt threatened. I was fully confident that Alex was aware she had a problem. It just didn’t seem as though she was ready to do anything about it. Tonight, though, I realized I’d let it go for too long. If things didn’t change now, they likely wouldn’t. So, while it hurt to feel her annoyance (which was likely to turn to anger during tomorrow’s discussion) there was no other choice for me. I had to try. I was terrified that she’d push me away. That was her pattern when she felt cornered.

When she came out of the bedroom, I went in and closed the door behind me. There was so much I had to say to her, but it wouldn’t do any good right now. I got under the covers, knowing that I’d hardly get any sleep. In the morning, I dreaded going out into the living room and as 9:30 came and went, I decided it was finally time to deal with this. As I approached the couch, I noticed the blanket was thrown over the arm opposite to where her pillow rested. I looked around the rest of the apartment, but didn’t see her anywhere. I immediately felt hot with anger and went back into the room to grab my phone. I called four times with no answer and I was equal parts worried and furious. 

I was still in my pajamas when I got into the car and drove to her place. Fumbling with my keys outside her door, I was finally able to let myself in. Alex was sitting on her couch with a glass of ice and brown liquid, probably whisky, sitting on the coffee table in front of her.

“Really?” I asked, not believing what I was looking at. “You just left?”

“Of course, I did. I don’t want to keep having this conversation with you,” she said.

“Do you think I want to? I’m just trying to help you see what you’re doing.”

“What? What am I doing?” she asked, getting up from the couch, but keeping her distance.

“You’re turning into an alcoholic,” I replied bluntly. “I should have spoken up sooner but, after your father died, I wanted to give you some time. But time’s up, Alex. We need to deal with this now.”

“Would we even be having this conversation if I answered my phone? Admit it, Kelly. It’s not about me drinking. It’s about you and your fears.”

“Really? Because I’m not the one having a drink before ten in the morning.”

“And? Who is it hurting?” she asked, defensively.

“You. It’s hurting you. You think it’s helping, and maybe right now it is, but it’s not a replacement for working through things. And to answer your other question, yes we’d still be having this conversation at some point. Because this is how you’ve been dealing with your trauma and it’s not a solution,” I said, desperate for her to understand.

“I go to work. I pay my bills. I’m on top of my stuff. It’s not affecting anything so how can you say that it’s a problem? What’s so wrong with it?”

“You see it. I know you see it,” I tried, exasperated. 

“So, how is this going to go then? We’re just going to keep talking about this until I agree with you?”

“Fine. We’re done talking about it then. But I just hope you know that this affects me, too. In fact, I think it would be a good idea if you didn’t come over for a while,” I said, feeling too hurt by her to keep trying, at least for right now. 

“What’s ‘a while’?” she asked, a barely obscured tremble in her voice.

“I’ll let you know,” I said, holding my tears back until I reached the other side of the door.

I had to sit in my car for a while, not able to see since I hadn’t stopped crying. As much as I loved Alex, I didn’t know if I’d be able to keep her from going further down this path. It felt weird to not know if I’d even see her again. Maybe it was a little dramatic, but wasn’t there the possibility that she didn’t care as much as I wanted her to? She didn’t text me at all that night and I couldn’t help but add that to the list of insecurities. In fact, the next time I heard from her was nearly a week later.

*What happened to never giving up on me?* she texted.

I read it over and over again. I promised I wouldn’t, but I wasn’t.

*I’m not giving up on you, but I have to protect myself, too. I don’t deserve to be treated like the villain,* I responded after some thought. *I just want you to talk without lashing out.*

*I’m embarrassed.*

*Why?*

*What do you mean ‘why’? It’s terrifying.*

*You don’t have to feel terrified. I told you, I just want to help you,* I replied, sincerely.

*I’m afraid to be weak around you.*

*If you can’t be let yourself be vulnerable with me, then who?* I asked.

The three dots cycled across my screen again and again as she attempted her response, but then they went away a minute later.

*I don’t want this to be the end of us,* I added, feeling the tears drop to my pillow one right after the other.

*I don’t either. I want to fix it. Please let me,* she replied.

I sighed, relieved that at least there had been some progress, or potential for progress.

*Come over tomorrow?*

*Yes. I want to. I miss you so much.*

*I miss you, too.*

When I got home from work the next day, Alex was standing outside of my door.

“Hey,” she said, straightening up when she saw me.

“Hi,” I replied, a palpable tension in the three feet between us. “Come in.”

I unlocked the door and followed her inside. 

“That night…” she began right away. “I went to follow up on the lead J’onn and I discovered. It turns out that it wasn’t as insignificant as we thought. Turns out the cops had been following the same lead. When I got there, it was already taped off with evidence markers everywhere. So, I was about to just leave and call J’onn to let him know. But when I turned around… Maggie was there and I… I was so unprepared for it. So many things just… I don’t know.” 

“I thought you were over her,” I said, failing in my attempt to not sound jealous.

“I am,” she replied quickly. 

She took her time elaborating, but I could see that she was searching for the words so I maintained silence until I had more information.

“When I thought we were going to get married, everything in my life just seemed so perfect. Like I was in this bubble where, for once, I was safe and I could breathe. I let myself be happy. Let my guard down. Then it all blew up. Like, spectacularly. And I was so angry and sad because it was like this cosmic confirmation that I’m not meant to have everything. That just because things feel perfect now, with you,… it doesn’t mean that we can’t end up just like that.”

“Alex… Believe me. I understand those feelings,” I said, sighing and taking a step closer to her. “But the way you reacted to it… That’s not okay.”

“I know,” she replied, her eyes on the ground.

“Look at me,” I said, needing all of her attention.

She met my eyes, shifting her weight to her other foot.

“I’m not trying to change you. I don’t want you to be different. I just want you to find a healthy way to cope with your fears and your stress and your disappointment and, most of all, your anger. Sometimes you have so much of it inside of you. And maybe you couldn’t talk about things like that with Maggie, but you and I talk about things. We don’t push them off to the side. We push through the hard moments, like this one, and then it’s in the past where it belongs.”

“Fuck. What’s wrong with me?” she asked quietly, sitting down on the couch.

“Nothing is wrong with you,” I assured her, sitting next to her. “Things can be better. You just have to make them better.”

“You make it sound easy,” she scoffed, wiping away her tears.

“It’s going to be far from easy, unfortunately. But I’m here and I won’t give up on you.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you, Kelly. That’s what I hate the most out of everything,” she admitted.

“Just learn from it, okay?” I requested.

“Trust me, I have,” she replied, slouching against the backrest. “You know, I even had myself fooled. I was sure that in fight or flight situations, I’d be a fighter. I mean, I am. Every day. But this, I understand now that it’s just like running away.”

“Plus, the fact that you literally ran away from this conversation,” I replied, feeling the need for just a little levity now.

“Yes. And that,” she said, then became serious again. “I won’t run anymore.”

“Good,” I said, hoping she meant it enough to be able to overcome this.

I knew that she was strong. Her body, her will, her resolve. But all of those things would be battling against habit and doubt. I took a moment to remind myself that this was one of those things that was going to take time and would never be fully gone. It would become a scar like all of the things that brought us to this point to begin with. Somehow, that made it a little easier to believe things would be okay. I held her against me, enjoying the feel of her warmth and it was quiet for a while before she started to finally let her herself cry. It hurt to see her so broken. When her sobbing slowed, I adjusted on the couch, lying on my side and pulling Alex to lie in front of me. There was barely enough room for us both but, with one of her legs resting between mine, we made it work.

I kissed her and, while I hoped it would provide some comfort, I mainly just missed kissing her. I missed seeing her face all week and I studied it in the dim light until she buried her head against my chest. We didn’t move and, eventually, she fell asleep like that. I was exhausted, too, after everything but I wanted this time to myself. This could have just as easily gone the other way. It still could. But her willingness to try was what I had to focus on now and it wasn’t insignificant. That was the thought that finally slowed the swirling worries enough for me to join her in a much-needed rest.


End file.
